How To Support A Friend Moving Abroad

For many, a move abroad is tied to higher education, a career opportunity, family, or a romantic relationship. I’ve made some of these moves personally at different stages in life. It is often easy for those left behind to assume that life is a fabulous extended holiday and the highlights on social media don’t help matters. In reality, this could not be further from the truth.

The transition phase can feel lonely. Without an established community in the new location, combined with distance from loved ones, this stage is often discounted. After all, we are meant to do life in community, with real people! Since we all want to do better, I’m sharing five ways you can support the person in your life that’s making a big move.

Reach out early and often:

This is simple but it’s really easy to skip this especially as ‘life happens’. Reach out and ask how they’re really doing. Essentially, continue being their friend but be intentional about checking in since they’re no longer around the corner from you. It’s the little things that matter really: a text, Whatsapp, Face time, call, or a random card.

When you do catch up, listen and be engaged and share what’s going on in your life as well so they don’t get FOMO too much (yes, they’ll wonder about missing out too). Often doesn’t necessarily mean daily. I have friends where we catch up every other month or so but then I’d always leave the conversation thinking wow that was good for my soul! I have another friend that had a baby and I saw a picture of him within 10 minutes and I felt like I was every bit a part of it. Frequency depends on the nature of the friendship.

Don’t discount their challenges and don’t assume they’re living their best lives:

Moving to Paris does sound exotic (let’s be honest!) but it is still an uprooting of one’s life to start out afresh. The easy thing to do is assume that your friend is out there drinking French wine, eating baguettes, and staring at the Eiffel tower. FALSE. Granted, there may be a few days like that, but it’s not everyday. If your friend says a situation is challenging, even if you cannot totally relate at least acknowledge and try to empathize. Remember that there is more behind the scenes than the highlights on Snap chat or Instagram. If you’re a person of faith, pray for/with them and let them know you’re thinking of them.

 

Remember the little things:

There’s nothing like having a first milestone abroad and loved ones not reaching out, especially if that matters to you. Mail a card one week in advance to account for international mailing, or send an email. If you’d like, step it up a notch and send flowers to celebrate a birthday, or a promotion. When in doubt, just pick up the phone. Aside from milestones, hold them accountable to things they commit to during the transition e.g making sure they signed up for the language class they mentioned.

 

Introduce them to people:

If you know people in their new city, make an introduction. This doesn’t take much at all but could go a long way in helping your friend find their new community. A friend of mine knew someone in a city an hour away from Edinburgh and she introduced us. While we didn’t meet up right away, we talked over the phone and she recommended a hair salon (critical for my braids!) and we ended up attending a concert together. This is pretty straightforward but so helpful!

 

Visit within the first 6 – 12 months if you can.

I typically set up a countdown on my app and plan activities for my visitors. If you can visit your friend in their new location within the first 6-12 months, please do so! The reality is, many promise to visit but only a few follow through for many reasons. But those that do follow through are never forgotten. It’s a great way to see their day-to-day life and meet their new community (I personally love it when my friends from different life seasons meet). It fosters better understanding plus the in-person hugs are the best! If you can’t travel to your friend, then how about a meet up in a city in between? Personally, I’ve had both types of visitors and I’ve had friends and family visit me in the different places I’ve lived, and I’ve met up with people in nearby cities/countries.

The tips above apply to friends, family members, or anyone in your world that’s moving locally or abroad, or even going through a major life transition. Relationships can either grow or deteriorate during these phases. We get out as much as we put in but these are times where a little intentional effort goes a long way.

 

I’m really curious, have you made a big move abroad as an adult? Did your relationships grow or suffer? What ways were you supported that made a difference? How did you wish people had supported you? Next month, I’ll share my tips on what to expect as one making a move yourself!

If you’re making a move soon and your family and friends are wondering how they can help, feel free to send this on to them J. As always, if you haven’t, click here to subscribe to receive notifications of new posts, and to receive my monthly newsletter with insider tips and information!

 

Till next week,

Dee