The Season That Built Me – Part III – Japan Goodbye Series

It has been exactly a month since I left Japan and while the administrative aspects of moving abroad have been maddening, I have had pockets of peace for reflection. In this last installment of the Japan Goodbye series, I’m sharing what Japan cost me, what it gave me, and what I am carrying forward with me.  

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What Japan Cost Me

Japan cost me my comfort. Life was good in Minneapolis. I finally bought/built my spanking new home after years of not being ready for that kind of commitment. I had settled even better into my expanded and deepened community 6 years after returning from my 3 year stint in Scotland.

It’s one thing to move for safety, for opportunities, for love, for family/community. But what if you have all that? Making a move alone in your late 30s, when life is good, is an underrated unpopular choice. 

The hardest yes to say, is the one you say to something bigger, yet uncertain, when you have something solid and certain right in front of you.

Japan cost me my well-laid plans, even those I didn’t say out loud but were swirling in my head and were loud in my actions. So I said yes and let go of the home I had just built but hadn’t even finished furnishing. I let go of my comfort in my career. I let go of the hopes I had to meet Bae in Minneapolis and mayyybe have a kid by my 40th. I let go of my routines with friends, the ability to pop by, dance, laugh, and then fall asleep on their sofas while pretending to watch a movie (as I always do).

I swapped all that for being functionally illiterate as an adult ( boy is that tough especially as an ‘independent woman’) while experiencing my first earthquake right away in week 1.  I swapped all that for an uncertain timeline and a veryyyy limited dating pool. I swapped all that for starting the biggest role of my career without the mentors, sponsors,and professional community that got me there. I swapped all that for a city where I knew no one. I swapped all that out for life without plantains and jollof rice. 

Comfort isn’t just ease — it’s knowing who you are in a context. Japan stripped that.

Japan cost me myself. Moving to Japan cost me a version of myself that I didn’t know I needed to finally let go of. The version whose identity was still largely rooted in her grass to grace America struggle story. The one that still often doubted herself and her intuition, the one that struggled with boundaries and people pleasing. The one that didn’t always own her agency. The version of myself that was in control, or thought she was. This version had been carefully built over time and honestly, I loved her, I still love her!

But, it was time to let her go.

What Japan Gave Me

I remember crying upon arriving in Tokyo. I remember crying on the next few return trips too. I remember being stranded outside my apartment on the day I moved in with not a soul to call. Then, I remember the first time my flight back to Tokyo began to descend and I felt happy to get back to my home.

I did a double take. Me? Happy to return to Japan? It was then I knew that Tokyo was becoming home, even in my subconscious.

Japan gave my family and friends a chance to visit a part of the world and have me there to host them. These visits are memories I will always treasure. It was special to have my niece here (she really thinks I am living my best life), and most special to have my parents, traveling from Nigeria, as the last guests that I hosted in Tokyo. 

I remember walking home on a quiet street on a rainy Saturday night in 2025 (yes, it took 2 years). I had just dined out solo and I said to myself, I love this life in Tokyo. Then, when I said it out loud to one of my friends… she simply said.. “I know!”

I really sat with myself in Japan. While I’ve always been comfortable with my own company (Thank God!!), between therapy, challenges of navigating a different societal and work culture, executive level work challenges, and a romantic relationship I thought was ‘the one.’ My time in Tokyo presented me with too many opportunities to really sit with myself. To not only ask myself the hard questions, but to patiently listen to the answer, and then ask why. And then sit with the why especially when it was uncomfortable or better, untrue. 

Japan gave me a chance to see the impact I have had on others and deeper appreciation for my chosen family – my friends. For most of the last year, I’d been processing how I have evolved in the last 3 years. But, in the last few weeks as I said goodbye to colleagues and friends, I got a sense of the impact that I have had on others and to be honest, I’m floored!

Japan gave me a career milestone, a saturday routine, and turned strangers into friends and community.

But above all, Japan gave me a self more known, more understood, and more loved!

It’s one thing to sit in that knowledge quietly, and it is another to have people who know you well hold a mirror to you and affirm the very truth you have been sitting in.  One of my close friends sent me these words on my last day in Japan. 

“I think what made me the proudest is that somewhere on this journey, you also learned to extend the same kindness and grace you give us to yourself. You’ve loved yourself through the highs and the lows, celebrated your wins and become more grounded in who you are. You learned to love yourself more deeply. To honour your own needs. To give yourself grace. To become even more comfortable in your own skin.”

There are seasons that build you. This season built me.

What I am Carrying Forward

Allow me to be cheeky while I share some tangible things that I’m carrying forward because forget the budget, I went bonkers shopping for my gifts from Japan. 

Watch: Japanese watchmakers are known for their precision and reliability. Watches are markers of time literally, and for me, figuratively. I bought a Kuoe watch (independent Japanese watchmaker) with the following inscribed; Ichigo Ichie, and the bible verse Ecclesiastes 3:11, a reminder of God’s perfect timing. 

Ichigo Ichie is a Japanese phrase that translates to “one time, one meeting” or “once in a lifetime”. It means that every moment and meeting with others is unique and can never happen again. It is a reminder to enjoy the present time and care for every interaction we have. 

Akoya Pearl: When I think of pearls, I think of something hard earned because they take a long time to grow. Akoyas are saltwater pearls native to Japan. An Akoya oyster usually produces only one single pearl at a time unlike freshwater pearls.

So, in my last month in Japan, I bought myself a pair of akoya pearl earrings to signify the pressing and refinement of this chapter. My first real pearls and gosh, are they gorgeous!!

Dragonfly Keyholder: When my friend wanted a Japanese wallet, I searched high and low before realizing that the answer was just around the corner from my apartment. I walked into the store and stumbled upon one of the most culturally unique and historically significant wallet choices you can make in Japan. So, naturally, I shopped for myself too. 

Coated in beautiful and culturally significant motifs, Inden-ya has been operated by the same family for over 440 years. Their leatherworking techniques originally produced soft, flexible sections of Samurai armor. 

I selected a dragonfly pencase and key holder because of the significance of the dragonfly in Japan. Dragonflies symbolize agility, determinedness and victory for samurai warriors – and no matter what happens, they only move forward

Yes, I am carrying these physical items forward but I’m carrying so much more forward. 

I’m carrying forward a confidence in God like never before. I am carrying forward the best version of myself yet, I’m carrying forward deep prayers from my sister (she can PRAY!), and in the midst of the uncertainty,  I’m choosing to carry forward curiosity, and wonder for what lies ahead.

Now back in the US, And now the immigrant/ expat becomes the returnee and more. Yet, navigating another new chapter, another unplanned move. 

Last year when I celebrated my birthday, I named the next chapter unknown, but now I know, at least geographically.

The girl that slept at La Guardia airport on her first night in America in August 2002 thought she’d had her restoration moments after visiting the city many times, celebrating her 30th there and taking a helicopter ride over the city. But God said, bigger! 

24 years, and what feels like multiple lifetimes later, here’s to my next chapter in New York City as a 40+ year old woman. Bruhhh!!! This is a chapter I would NEVER have written myself. 

The more worn the heels, the more the stories of adventure.

Joshua 1:3